12.12.12 -12 Memorable Incidents Of Year 2012

1. Lost terribly while gambling during Chinese New Year. The amount was not huge but the losing streak was quite unbelievable.

2. February, tore my ACL (one of the knee ligament) while playing futsal. It happened while I'm trying to brake and turn at the same time. My left foot was planted to the ground but the rest of my body was heading to another direction. POP ! And that is it.

3. Had the worst depression of my life. Although its not as serious as the cases we read on newspaper I felt something in my life was cruelly taken away from me. Imagine McDonald's without fries. Suddenly playing football/futsal was became impossible and to make things worse, I couldn't get my surgery done immediately.

some people, particularly ladies say no football no big deal what ! I changed the scenario a bit and asked them back : no shopping no big deal? They answered with a smile. =)

4. This one I didn't actually do it. But for the first time I was seriously thinking about quitting UTAR because I felt it was not worth it to continue any more. After speaking to family and close friends I decided to continue. I really,really thought it was the end.

5. Started to gain weight, A LOT OF WEIGHT. Now that football is no longer possible and I have one sport less to help me burn fat, my weight reached an all-time high as the scale showed I'm close to 90kg. Back in year 2008 I weigh 70kg.

6. Vomited because of too much drinking for the first time ever ! No, it was not about feeling sad because I couldn't do this and that. I was so bored at Kampar I bought a bottle of wine and drank the whole bottle while watching a comedy alone in my room. The wine came back out along with some fries I ate the day before.

7. Started some serious training for my 2 quarter marathons. It was all I can do to compensate for the lack of football. The training was all right but the diet was all wrong. While my stamina increased, so did my weight. 'LPPL'

8. Slept beside the street. This was before the Standard Charted KL Marathon 2012. Due to transportation problem, I arrived at the venue about 5 hours early. Had nothing to do so I put some newspaper on the concrete floor and slept on it.

9. Went to Melaka for the first time in more than 10 years. It is a beautiful place but during our one-day trip we explored almost every famous location which leaves little reason for another trip in the near future.

10. Went to Genting without gambling. Its a first since I grew old enough to legally enter the casino. I was not feeling too well that day so I decided to rest in the hotel room while others went to try their luck.

11. Had an awesome birthday celebration. Nothing big, just a BBQ session with my friends. But it was the biggest and the best celebration for the past few years.

12. Had my knee surgery done. Full recovery will take an estimated 9 months. Recovery is no fun but with the exercises it will help me get back to playing football again.

Although 2012 is yet to end I think these will be the 12 most hard-to-forget events of the year.

The Good Days Are Gone

I realized something after I spoke to an old friend of mine recently. He said 'it is very hard to get friends to hang out nowadays. They have work from Monday to Friday, sometimes Saturday. And then the rest of the days are left for family or girl friends.'

And I replied to him saying that is so true ! I'm starting to feel the same way also.

It is a sad case but it is inevitable. They had their life as students, enjoying all the freedom they could almost without any obligation. But times have passed and they are now employed and are now having more responsibilities than before.

If it is hard to find free time now, it will get only more difficult as time passes. Marriage, children, aging parents and other factors will certainly consume most of their time.

As for me, accepting reality will take a bit of time. My life as a university student is also numbered. But looking back, I'm glad I had mostly good times with my buddies. All I can do is to cherish what is left.

Skyfall Review

Watched the new James Bond film on the 2nd day after its release in Malaysia. I think its a good movie, I enjoyed it. It won't be the movie of the year or something. If I were to rate movies, The Dark Knight Rises gets 9/10 while Skyfall gets 7/10.

So its very good, but not fantastic. Some people say its not nice but to me Bond movies are never bad movies. I like it although the Bond film formula has been twisted a bit. Skyfall, if i'm not mistaken is the first official Bond film which is not based on Ian Flemming's book. 

What I really like in this movie is its villain. I like Javier Bardem's acting in Skyfall a lot although he looks a bit gay with that hair. 

Its a different type of Bond film which some people might or might not like very much. It still has the usual ingredients of nice cars, gadgets, Bond girls, etc. But they are being used in a different way.

There is no Aston Martin DBS but there is the old DB5 in the movie. There are gadgets such as the 'radio' and the pistol but no exploding pen and laser watch. There are Bond girls but they didn't play a big part in the movie like previous Bond films because that role was taken by M ( Judi Dench). And for the very first time, we witnessed a James Bond who got shot by a gun. In previous films the bad guys always miss by aiming 2 feet behind him. MI6 gets blown up, Bond's childhood story is revealed and Bond is damage almost beyond repair. All this makes this Bond film different from the rest.

So there you go, a different kind of Bond film but still a very good one.

What Questions Do You Ask ?

We tend to question what people tell us something we are not sure of. For example 'is that true?' 'how?' 'when?' etc. I noticed very few people ask the question 'who said that?'

Many people say something because it is their obligation or their job to say it. 'The government is bad' says the opposition party. 'Apple is the best' says the Apple salesman. 'Fish is better than chicken' says the fisherman. People say things that may not be true even to themselves but what really surprises me is that people would listen without asking themselves whether what they heard is true.

I mean, if somebody wants to sell you a Nokia, of course he have to make Nokia sound like it is the best. At least ask yourself what you heard make sense. Is there any logic? Is it true? is he saying that because it is his job to do so?

I'm not suggesting that one has to doubt everything he hears but at least think about it and not blindly believe.

Part Of Life

Recently I heard about some people getting hurt while playing football and giving up the sport. I understand why. Football is a high-demand sport and a high risk one.

But I can't let it go. It is part of my life. It is irreplaceable.

If it can be replaced I probably won't bother about the surgery. I knew I was going to suffer but at 24, its just way too early to stop. Even when it does become physically too difficult, I will probably try coaching.

I understand some people's concern about the possibility getting hurt again while playing but the risk has always been there. Choosing to play is indirectly choosing to take the risk.

It can only be compensated to some extend, but it can never be replaced.

ACL Reconstruction Surgery

Will have my surgery done tomorrow. I've been out of action for 7months now and I will probably have to wait another 7 months,probably longer before I can play football again.

What's the big deal ? you might ask. Well, let's just say football is not just a favorite sport any more. Its part of life now. In the morning I turn the newspaper over to start reading from the back page. I visit websites to check on the latest news in the Premier League. I talk about football with friends. I watch highlights of previous games. Weekend without watching football don't feel like a weekend. So yes, it is a BIG DEAL.

To make matters worst, I've been playing for 10years now since 2002 and suddenly it all ended (temporarily) in a flash.

Tomorrow's surgery is the first step to my return to football. The whole process will start off painfully as I will struggle to even walk without support, then slowly I will build the leg muscles needed for normal activity, and subsequently light sports, then high-demand sports.

I'll have to suffer, but it has to be done.

This Time It Really Hit Home

I knew what was going on at home. I can see him pretending, trying to act like everything is all right. She was more straight forward with me and told me everything. I knew I had to do my best, secure the loan and graduate on time. But their words never really got into me. Until this one time, he admitted and said all this investment on me is costing him a lot.

This time it really hit home. This time it had an emotional impact on me.

Suddenly I looked at myself and I realized that I was being very selfish, so concerned about my own interest that I ignored theirs. I was not willing to work hard, thinking that I have some kind of advantage over other people. An advantage that can be substituted for hard work. I was wrong, very wrong.

Now that I realized my mistakes I had to make it up to them. I.Must.Change.

KiaSu People

Some of my juniors are so concerned about making sure their 'opponents' don't catch up. They are so concerned about being the number 1. Question is, is it necessary?

come on ! even if you are the champion in this faculty or university you still have to face competition from outside. what's the point I ask? why can't we just create a win-win situation ? help each other out. duh !

Today's society may be very competitive but other people's scores don't really affect yours in exam. Besides, you have little to no control of how other people do so why bother about it ?

Standard Charted KL Marathon 2012

I've put in my best possible effort on that day but the result was disappointing. My time was way off my targeted time due to several reasons. The terrain was tougher than I expected and the slopes were much more steep than my training places. Lack of sleep, over trained in the final few days and above all, my extra body weight due to all the fat I'm carrying ruined the time.

It was the toughest 10km I've ever done but that its over and I've done reviewing it, its time to turn my focus to UTAR run 2012. Wish me luck~!

Happy Father's Day 2012

Dear Pa

I think this is the first time I'm writing something to you. Time flies and today is your 25th Father's Day. I, your youngest son just want to wish you from the heart a Happy Father's Day.

You used to have life. By that I mean you used to do things that you wanted to do for yourself. You did things that you are interested to do. Then you got married and 2 children came. I sense that life has never been the same again. The family's welfare has been put ahead of any self-interest. Almost everything you did was for the family, making sure that your kids are having food to eat, clothes to wear, education, and a comfortable life. And that, I'm very thankful for.

But for all the effort you put in, your youngest son didn't quite lived up to your expectation. Poor academic performances meant that more money had to be spent because government loan got suspended. The savings from the hard work throughout the years dried up in a flash, invested in what is like a dying stock in the share market. And worse still it is all on a rebellious son who would raise his voice and use harsh words whenever frustration kicks in.

Despite all that I want you to know a few things. As difficult as the current situation may seem, we will get through this. Although behind schedule I will graduate from UTAR. I also want you to know that I never felt easy asking money from you. I know that you have some saving for your later years but instead it was all spent. Besides that I also need you to realize that there was never a day I lived without thinking of the family. And I promise you this, I will do whatever I can to make sure you and ma can live easy.

Above all, the one thing you really need to know is that I appreciate what you have done and still doing for us. Forget about what I said years ago, now that I have grown up I am thankful for everything you did. Even after you can fully retire, you'll still be needed as a son to grandma, a husband to ma, a father figure to all your siblings, and a great father to me. Please take care of your health.

Happy Father's Day

Sincerely Your 2nd and youngest son.

My Direction Is Clear

After discussions with family and friends I have decided to continue what I've started in UTAR and finish it. Now that my direction is clear hopefully I can improve my academic performances from now on. For once at least my direction is clear for the next one year or so.

One Of The Worst Period Of My Life?

If I were to fail again in exam, I will seriously consider leaving UTAR.

Being the future sole bread winner I needed to graduate from university a.s.a.p. and start working to support my family. That is what I intend to do and what I really want to do but there is one big problem.

I'm struggling to achieve the minimum grades to secure the loan to finance my studies. I don't have the passion for what I'm studying, I don't like the place where I live, and I cannot do what I dream of doing in university due to my knee injury. UTARians know best about how much tougher things are compared to other uni in Malaysia and despite all the extra effort I have to put in, and all the trouble I have to go through, I don't think it will matter in the end.

What makes a UTAR Bachelor of Marketing cert better than others ? does your lower grade prove you that you gone through tougher exams?

If my struggles with studies is bad, the life I have there makes it worse. I mean, I don't like that place. I just don't belong there, I love where hometown too much. The university life there is just too dry. The nearest place to find a cinema is almost an hour away. Plus, my dream of representing the uni team is gone when I ruptured my ACL. And to make it worse, the thing that is preventing me from having my knee repaired is having to live in a place I don't like, to do the thing I don't love for reasons I don't know. WHAT THE HELL?

Why on earth am I even in UTAR,Kampar? I wanted to quit about a year ago and maybe I should have left.

The Irreplaceables.

It is when you are in trouble that you find out who are the people who really care for you. Many people will come to you when you have something to give but few will stay after you have nothing left to offer.

No one has ever cared for me more than my parents. Despite failing to live up to their expectations they have always been there for me when times are bad. When I suffered a torn ligament recently my parents came all the way to Kampar and fetched me back home and then back here again for my MUET. This is just one of the endless list of things that they have done for me and still continue to do for me without asking any thing back.

No one has ever done such thing for me before and I doubt there will ever be one. I'm indebted to them in such a way that I can never pay them back.

They are not perfect. They don't always find the right words or methods to solve a problem. But their intention is never in doubt and every time I think about this it makes me feel sad.

Because I have been rude to them in the past, I have done so little to make them proud, I was too selfish to only look after my own interest and not theirs. I have not been a good son to them.

I can never give them back what they have given me. But now I am determined to make up for it as much as I can. I want them to know that the sacrifices they made for me have been worth it.

No More Football

Yes, that is exactly what the specialist doctor told me. I cannot play any sports that require twisting, turning or any other similar motions. Sports like football, badminton, basketball, etc. Having something you do for the love of it taken away from you for good is only going to be devastating. I cannot play any more football unless...

I do a surgery on my left knee. An ACL reconstruction surgery. In English, means to reconstruct a ligament that cannot heal by itself.Sounds all right at first until I look into the details. After the surgery it will take me about 2 months to recover. A time which is long than my semester break so I have to wait until graduation. Then there is a 6 month physiotherapy program to follow. Which means if I do the surgery after my graduation in May 2013, I will still need to rest for about 3-4 months at least.

Problem is, I will be responsible to look after my parents my parents once I'm done with my degree. There is not other sibling in the family to rely on. If the situation allows, the financial situation and my parents' health are still reasonably good then it is okay for me to go on with the procedure. If not, I might to have to wait until... god knows when.

As for now, what is (almost) certain is that I will be out of the game until 2014. The game that I began to love since the first day. The game that I've never stopped playing for 10 years will be gone from my life. Just what have I done to deserve this? I don't know

New Year 2012

Here comes the time where everybody looks back at the memories of 2011 and then look forward to 2012 with hope of a better year. And then they write a list of stuff they plan to do. (Many of which will be forgotten after 2weeks).

And that is what I'm going to do.

2011 was better than 2010 as I can remember it. However, there are changes that were planned since 2010 still couldn't be implemented. My studies for example haven't improved much. I guess I just can't do it by myself. Without help and encouragement it seems that I'm getting nowhere. There are other problems too in 2011. The main one is my poor discipline. Procrastinating way too much. And this, is the main cause of many failures.

Good times in 2011 ? well, yes there are. Shared good moments with family and friends but not so much as for achieving things.
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2012 will be the year I complete my second 'circle' in the lunar calender and my dad will complete his 5th. Which means I'll be 24 and he will be 60.

Unlike previous years where I wrote a list of resolutions this year I only want to correct one thing that has been the cause of many problems. Discipline. The number one thing to work on.

Hopes ? Not much. Hopefully me and my family will stay healthy =)